of slobber, dinosaur birds, and fun!

So my parents are here for a while and we decided to head back to Lazy 5 Ranch and we are pretty sure that this will now be a destination we will go back to again and again!  It is so much fun to drive through and have these animals flock to the car like moths to the flame in their attempts to get the prime location to be able to eat out of our feed buckets!  It is literally so much fun to go through there because we are normally laughing and screaming so much because an emu has stuck his head into the car looking for feed, or because a huge bull has decided Chris' car looks like a nice place to visit!  Here are some of the pictures from this trip, Chris has some videos too, so they will be up soon too!

One of my favorite pictures~!

I see a bucket of feed in there.....

Sunday traffic.

This one decided to take his lunch to go.

Trying to call animals to the feed bucket.

It worked!!!

'I want to feast on your soul...I mean these pellets.'

This is a great example of how quickly these things eat (look at the one on the left.) Our dog eats the same way.

Apparently my father is disciplining it.

Even though we all have llama slobber on our hands and on the outside of the car, we are all happy!

This llama was not interested in my dads offering.

Chris was happy that nothing rammed his car :)

Outside the car, what a fun trip!!

Now, the best picture of the day, my mother and I were demonstrating how the animals looked when they were feeding out of our buckets...I think I captured the crazed look in their eyes pretty well...I may have missed my calling~!


 

of the many calories of a birthday cake.

Chris asked me what cake I wanted for my birthday and I was undecided, that is, until I passed by the cheesecake factory and noticed that they had a Reese's peanut butter cake cheesecake...

I was actually going to pick a slice up while I was out but got busy talking on the phone and totally forgot to stop before I drove from the area.  Luckily I have an incredibly sweet Mr. because he made a special trip to pick some up!  Now before I go into the shocking part of this blog post, I wanted to let you know just how fudging delicious this cheesecake is!  It is as if you combined a long walk on the beach at sunset with hugging a cute puppy dog and then having a 2 hour massage while having an orgasm...it is that good.  Of course, me being me, I had to look up how many calories this heaven has.......

Reese's Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake Cheesecake (The Cheesecake Factory)

Serving Size: 1 slice Calories: 500 Total Fat: 29 Carbs: 56 Protein: 7

 

So, one piece of cheesecake is more than a quarter of my daily intake...but that still isn't the shocking part.  When Chris comes home, he sets the bag down on the counter, I think that is a big bag, they must pack that stuff well...oh no. 

 

Chris bought a whole freaking cheesecake!!!!!

 12 slices --> 6000 calories!!!!!

Here is a reference to how big the cake is, it is incredibly tall too!!

I wasn't even able to finish a whole piece last night after dinner.  I have no clue what I am going to do with the rest of it.  I hope it freezes well, because there is no way that I am going to be able to eat this whole thing!!!  I ate the rest of the piece from last night while I was typing this...I am headed to the gym...NOW!!!

of my lack of bloggitude.

     As usual, I have been told that I need to end my blog silence as people actually look at this every once in a while, my bad ya'll.  What is new?  Well let's see, today is the day that I emerged from my mother like a rainbow colored butterfly full of sarcasm and nerdlyness.  It seems like it was just yesterday when I was a cute "little" thing running around screeching like a lemur and playing video games until I was told it was time to eat...wait, was that yesterday?  I guess some things never change.  Anyhow, things around the Casa de Chris have been running smoothly, we had to get a new lawn-mower because someone (not me) broke the old one and apparently it can not be saved.  The new one is bigger and more powerful or something like that, I really just nodded my head and looked at the pretty flowers while Chris was talking about them because mowers are about as exciting as watching the elderly sword fight...wait, that might be fun actually.  We also got a new grill, more exciting, food involved, and an outdoor table and chairs.  We have never really had a set of these outside so it is really nice to go out there in the evening with an adult beverage and relax.  We just need to do something about the bug situation...I want to get a bug zapper, but am not sure if that is too hillbilly, or white trash.  You know how you see them in movies in that type of setting...maybe it is just me.
     Uh, my Dr. Who fetish curiosity has really gotten the better of me.  To the point of I have now seen every episode of the most recent series (6 seasons, 82 episodes) and called the cable company to make sure that we get BBC America so I can watch the new season when it starts.  I have also now started getting Dr. Who "things" for the house...nothing gaudy, or weird...just little things.  I am really into the books now too, because I can't watch any new shows, I might as well get my fix that way...oh my, I sound like a drug addict.  Maybe this is a sign...A weird thing about the books is that they are written by British people, obviously.  But I never really noticed it in the shows but British people spell things really weird!  I know from my friend Gillian at work that there are a lot of differences in spelling, but wow!  I just hope that I don't damage my brain with all of the books that I have now, slowly mutating me into some British hybrid. 
     I am out of class for the summer, well half of it anyhow.  I got an A in the one class I took in the spring, good job brain!  I am taking Environmental Geology in the second summer session, and then taking a few more in the fall.  It looks like it will be another long period of classes Monday through Friday and then work most evenings until Christmas...hang in there brain, we will get through this!
     Television seems to remain a major source of consuming a lot of our evening and weekend time, slowly draining all of our life force and turning our brains to jello entertainment, we started and finished a new series, 'The Event' which was pretty good, but we are not certain if they are making any more episodes.  'Man Men' is back on which is always a good thing.  Some of the episodes so far this season have been pretty depressing though.  Glee is almost over. Go ahead, get the laughing out already, but are you really that surprised?  My gay butterfly inner-core couldn't pass up watching a drama about kids singing show tunes!!  But yeah, some of the kids are leaving this year because they are "graduating." Can I call BS on this please?  I mean seriously, these kids are not kids at all, most of them are in their 20's, and it is time to get them out of there, or at least to a more believable age anyhow.
     Speaking of my gayness trendy fashion style, a couple of months ago, I bought a bow-tie...and I have to say, I think I can pull it off pretty well!  I have only had it on once so far, and the picture that was taken was not the best because I was extremely moderately intoxicated at the time.  I will have to take a better picture for you all soon, that just means I need to pull out my handy youtube video showing me how to tie it, don't hate! ;)
      Well, I think I have caught you up on enough things for now, I will try to post more, even if it is more pictures...my 'normally always against blogging' partner is really putting me to shame with his tumblr recently.  No promises, but I will try.  Later gators!

of unrelated things.

For a couple of weeks now, at times, we hear strange dog-like noises coming from beyond our backyard.  For those of you that have never seen our backyard, it is pretty big with a lot of trees; the land behind the fence is all wooded with no houses at all.  Well, the noise would get really loud if an emergency vehicle would go by with the sirens going.  It almost sounded like someone was running a puppy mill or something back there, a lot of howling and yipping but only at certain times, completely silent all the rest.  Interestingly enough we got an email from the H.O.A. telling us that people have noticed a pack of coyotes in the area, and that we should all be careful of small animals...like ours...and making sure we do not leave them out by themselves...like we do...because they are known to kill..........We tend to just open the door late at night and let the dogs go out by themselves to go potty the last time before we go to bed...now I feel like a jerk!  What if one of my little poopsies was out there peeing on a tree and was shanked by a pack of wild coyote thugs!?!?!  A new law has been put into affect in this household that requires a chaperone to accompany any creature of small size that is going outside to use the restroom.  We have a new war on our hands and can't afford let the young ones get attacked with their pants down.

We leave tomorrow for Tennessee, and the birth of a new baby.  It is going to be an exciting trip full of baby, food, and family!  This will be the first time that I will be there for a baby birth; with my nephew, I flew down while she was going into labor and with 'The Kid' we made is after also.  It shall be an interesting time to see how this whole process plays out.  I imagine waiting a lot in an uncomfortable chair.  I am a little nervous though about being there with Cat being so close to a baby coming out of her...I will likely not touch her as I will be afraid that I will pop her and if I get birthing fluid on me...I would die.  I know that will probably not happen, but one can never be too careful!  I am very excited to see everyone though, apparently premium feed has been prepared for many meals and I will be packing the fudge that I made to bring with us!  Today is the day for packing and getting everything ready for tomorrow, this includes sucking a huge amount of power from the walls as we charge all of our electronic devices and gadgets.  The pups are going to Pet Paradise, so we I will get their lunches together for every day they are there and give them baths so that way they don't get made fun of by their friends in paradise.  Scooter even got a new tag to show how cool he is - hopefully this will raise he street cred.  At any rate, I am very excited to be off from work and to not have to worry about classes for a while!  Hopefully when we come home, we will not have a turf war on our hands with these roaming gangs of coyotes.  Maybe I should spray paint some gang signs on our fence to let them know this is a rival gang...I am pretty good at doing the whole 'west coast' thing with my fingers...maybe I am looking into this whole situation too much......

of the things I put my junk in.

I went through my closet the other day and got rid of a lot of the clothes that no longer fit me.  One would think that this is a win, don't get me wrong, I am happy that I have lost weight...I just have a much more limited wardrobe now.  Something that a gay could get his club card taken away for.  The one good thing that came from all the organizing is the fact that I now have an idea what essentials I have to re-buy to bring my threads back to acceptable gay standards. 

One area that I am totally NOT lacking in, is my collection of underclothes...I know most of you are anticipating me telling you that I have an updated count of under-oos......well wait no longer my pets, the newest count is..............................169 pairs!!!  Pick your jaw up off the table and stop looking at me like that, you all know I am weird, so just accept it.  I am really trying to find a way to have all of the pairs to be more accessible.  Right now, I have my favorite 30 or so pairs displayed well, but I find that I am frequenting those too much.  I want to be able have them all to where I can easily see the ones that I have.  I should probably go online and find more freaks people like me.  I know there are others, as Lindsey kindly pointed out another blogger that has a similar undie-understanding...even if my collection vastly outweighs his.  I think research is in order, until next time dearies~!

of my little town of misfits.

The gym is a place that I frequent...like a hooker would treat her crabs...many times a week.  The time I spend there is often filled with Techno blasting in my ears to drown out the sounds of people grunting and breathing heavily...I think there is a hooker reference in there somewhere.  I tend to get bored easily and the fact that I go so often tends to make me either change up my routine, or the have fun in my mind.  Often times, I name the people, based on how they act, or what they always wear, so I figured I would let you all into my mind to get a glimpse of its.......awesomeness.

-Be warned-

First of all there are the hot guys:
These guys do not tend to have names, as such, more so they are names after body parts...I will let you all use your mind to fill in the blanks as you see fit.

The Pepsi machine refill guy:
He comes in and is always wearing the uniform you see people wearing when they fill up a pepsi machine...there is no logo though, I think he is a poser.

Peter Pan:
The large man (large in an elephant muscle sense) wears a baggy shirt and.............leggings.  They are the type of pants that you would see on like a road biker, tight, tight, tight, spandex style leggings.  Not much is left to the imagination, it is a good thing he wears the baggy shirt, however not all the time.

The snack machine vendor:
Similar to the Pepsi guy, he wears a uniform that reminds me of someone that refills snack machines...again, no logo.

She Ra:
This lady is aptly named, as she is a solid brick, and could probably kill me without breaking a nail or messing up her hair...really scary. 

Elephant Man:
Named for his resemblance to an elephant...he cannot walk well because he is so muscular...it's really gross.

Steve:
I named him that because he is the typical old gay guy in the gym that is very obvious when he watches the guys work out...the name Steve just fit for some reason.

Toad:
This short Hispanic guy has the body shape of a toad-human hybrid...hence the name.

Jehovah:
He is an older guy that brings a portable cd player to the gym....yeah....and often hands out cd's of music from his church.

Lady me:
This chick often does the same things that I do and is at the same level of fitness, she is just in lady form....as apposed to me in half lady form.

Diaper:
He smells really bad, some days like body odor, some days worse.  I try to stay away from him as much as I can.

Shaniqua:
She is a typical Shaniqua, with huge hoop earrings, weave up, nails did, talks on her cell phone while walking on the treadmill, wears loud clothing, and is altogether sassy as all get out.

Richard:
As is Simmons, he looks and acts like him, no joke, pretty creepy!

Pal:
He seems to be everyone's friend, whether they know him or not.  His greeting is: "Alright now!" which will illicit the response: "Alright!"  It is many people that respond this way to him, so I am not sure if they all are in the same book club, or if  this may be some type of straight male greeting...either way, I have yet to figure it out.

I know there are more, however I cannot think of them right now.  These are the most prominent that I see on a regular basis, I have others that I really only think of when I see them.  I will try to keep you all updated as my travels to-and-fro the gym.  Looking back at the names, it seems my gym is a colorful place, I wonder what my nickname is?  Surely there is someone out there as strange cool as me!  It is probably something sassy, as I tend to bob my head or really get diva when I am running on the treadmill and a song I like comes on.

The televisions are a whole topic in themselves.  In the cardio area, there are about 10 tv's and the shows they pick often make sense; sports center, cnn, the travel channel.  There are those that are common place for the housewives; Maury, The View, Jerry Springer, the food network.  Often times on the weekend they play cartoons...I have never understood this, as there are not many children sweating to the oldies on the elliptical while watching The Magic School Bus!  Another thing about the tv's, is the fact that all of the commercials seem to be related to food!!  Maybe I am just focusing on those because they are better than watching ads for law offices, but the other day for instance, I was running along, almost to the top of the mountain in 'Kilimanjaro sequence' on the incline step machine, when a commercial for butter came on.  I was freaking mesmerized!!!  Watching the butter drop into a bowl of peas and slowly melt into them, or being spread on bread!!  I felt like I was a zombie and a brain was placed in front of me!! 

Enough type and more action is required now though, I am actually headed to the gym in a few minutes.  I will be able to say hello to all of my colorful neighbors as I grunt and sweat right along with them.  We are a little like that whore house; we have the good, the bad, and the ugly...with a few normal people just trying to pass the time.

of many things.

of  schooling...
Well, it has been some time hasn't it?  I would first like to apologize for my absence from the blogging realm as I was extremely busy with classes last semester.  I made a poor decision to schedule classes every day of the week, while still working my 45 hours a week, and trying to fit in studying and homework plus the gym.  Let's just say that I didn't have much free time...but that is done now, and the hard work paid off as my GPA has moved to a 3.9 and my head is filled with all kinds of great information about the historical geology of the earth!  I also started my very own fossil collection!  Jealous much!!!! 

Hopefully, this coming semester will not be as nutty as I only have 2 classes.  I am really not looking forward to one of them though because it is the last math I need to take, and Chris and Calculus go together like Michael Jackson and propofol.  Anywhoodles, that is that, hopefully I will not be on here every day complaining about differential equations or other things along those lines, but if I do feel free to give me a virtual slap.

of the gym...
I have been trying to balance what I have been doing at the gym more; when I was training with Melvin, I was focused on losing weight, and I did.  The problem I have now is, I do not want to lose any more weight, so I am now trying to get a more balanced workout and focus on either my upper body or lower body and so far, I think it is making a difference.

This is my new goal body type:

What do you guys think?

Yeah....so I hope you all realize I am joking, and that I am so far from this!!  However, my MS paint skills are still top notch, who needs photoshop?!?! 

of long ago me...
I have a bunch of photos of myself as a child and hardly look at them, but when Mom 2 emailed and asked for a favorite picture of me as a child, it forced me to look through them and remember how funny I was as a little bean sprout.  So, without further ramblings, here are some of the gems:

This was the favorite I chose.

I am not really sure why my dad is strangling the dog, or why he appears to be naked...I think he is wearing those "coaching shorts" which were so popular in the 80's....he also had a killer mustache at the time.

The hand, and yes, that is an Alf tank top, jealous much?

My singing career never really materialized.

What type of haircut is that?!

Apparently, I was big on posing.

I am on the right...clearly bored...typical diva.

Work it bit*h!!

As you can see, I was a.....special child.....most of this specialness has gone away now though.  I will try to look for some other gems, I know I have DVD copies of all of my childhood home videos, anyone know how to take snippets from those?

of television...

"Hi, my name is Chris, and I am a television junkie."  They say admitting you have a problem is the first step, well, I know that I do, but the brain melter is so entertaining!!  Chris and I started some new shows and are trying to finish up old series that we have had in our Netflix cue for far too long.

Terra Nova - It's about humans in the future who have ruined the planet and found a portal to go back in time to live during dinosaur time (that would be the mesozoic era, or to be more precise, during the jurassic to cretaceous periods about 80 million years ago.  I have to say though, they are coming up to a part in the history of the earth where there are many periods of glacial and interglacial cycles that they would likely not survive...and don't get me started on the whole meteorite thing.)  Supposedly, the timeline is different from the one our planet followed, so they are basically making crap up from here on.  I know I just got uber geek, but the show is actually pretty good, aside from all of my complaints.

The walking dead - The show is about unicorns...no, really the title pretty much says it all.  Really good show though!

Hell on wheels - Another AMC original, it is about the construction of the railroad and the dramas surrounding it.  There are Indians, harlots, and the "N-word" every 5 minutes.  We have not made our mind up yet, so far, it has not pulled us in.

Dr. Who - Since I am a geek, again there is the admitting thing, I have started to watch this show and I have to say, it is really good!  Chris will have nothing to do with it, but I am hooked!  Serious geeks only.

Hawaii 5O - A remake of the old series, really good!

Prison break - We started watching this a while ago, but season 2 was not as great as season 1.  We managed to get through it and now season 3 is really good!  

I think that might be it for new shows...it is pretty sad that these are all new shows, we still have a lot more that we watch regularly.

of books that aren't real...

I got a kindle for Christmas and am now trying to finish up the actual books that I have so I can start reading on the kindle.  I have half of 'The Night Circus' and then the first book of 'The Hunger Games" series to read.  I would gladly accept any tips and tricks from the kindle sisters on the ins and outs of this fabulous new contraption ;)

I think I have blogged enough for now, I will hopefully be updating more soon.  Until then, I will leave you with this:

 

of a place to melt things.

I finally took some pictures of the shed in the backyard that we are converting to be my studio to do the flameworking in.  All that is left is to get the oxygen and propane and hook them up, I am sooooo excited!!!

My torch and some glass

Close up of torch

My A/C ;)

Pretty handy huh? (Thanks Chris)

My set up

The rod is there to let the glass cool without laying it on the cement board.

As mentioned above, there is a cement board on top of the desk so I don't catch on fire.

The crock pot...a poor mans kiln.

Of course I had to add some decorations ;)

The glass panel leaning against the wall is so small fragments don't fly off and hit the wall.

Hopefully we can get everything hooked up by this weekend!!!!!

of adventures yet to be discovered.

Watch out crafting world...Chris is about to do a cannon-ball...

I hope you all brought towels~!

of what lurks in the shed.

A decision had been made.  The shed was the place to house the new glass hobby; there was only one problem...what was already inside.  Of course the job seems easy enough, open the door and go through the contents.  Keep the good, obliterate the bad...little did I know this easy task would turn into something much more sinister. 

The weather was hot, sweltering in fact, the type of weather the elderly migrate across the country from.  I was already sweating, spraying myself with bug spray in the hopes of shielding myself from the inhabitants of the shed.  The door opens and a creaking noise rings through the air, you know the type, like those horror films where someone gets gutted after watching all their friends die by the hands of some mad man.  I digress, the door opens and immediately I see movement, seemingly from every corner.  Small things fleeing from the light, finding the best hiding spot to spy at me from the darkness.  My mind tells me that I should leave and never come back to this place, it is a forsaken land, tainted with an evil presence. 

"Stay strong, you can do this" I tell myself.  Nothing is impossible.  As I step into the room the first wave of fighters emerge.  Giant crickets, I often refer to as "moon crickets," as they look like they are not of this earth, spring forth and try to disorient me.  With my broom in hand, I make quick work of them and banish them to the land outside the shed, one full of heat, light, and creatures much larger than they, creatures that will hopefully finish the job for me. 

My attention is drawn back to the battle at hand, there is a silence in the air, nothing is moving.  I venture forth and start moving objects.  The heat is growing, sweat is pouring off my face and I feel as though I am being watched.  The next foes I meet are many legged insects that move very fast and without regard to anything.  Running at me, on the objects I am trying to move, acting without thought, almost as if they are trying to distract me.  Another weapon I have is the elixir of death for insects, one application of this and all of the inhabitants will die and never again defile this place with their evil presence.  The spray begins, all at once I hear what seems like hundreds of screams and the feeling in the air turns to one of panic and fear.  The movement from when I first entered the room is happening again, this time in waves as I advance the spray to every dark corner I come to.

The battle is almost over, or so I thought.  Victory has never been so close, and then I look up.  The fear in the room doubles as my own is added to the thick fog of emotions swirling the room.  In the far corner of the ceiling, emerging from the depths, like some massive sea creature waiting to swallow up unsuspecting ships whole and turn its story to that of legends, comes a large black arachnid with a glowing red hourglass on its abdomen.  The presence of the new threat makes me turn all of my attention and focus to it.  Without thought, I point my weapon and squeeze the trigger.  I wish I could say that I maintained my composure and did not scream as the being lept from its nest and made a mad attempt to...kill me...chaos rang through the air as the battle ragged on.  Chairs were toppling over, cans rolling, brooms and poison rain down in an attempt to end its life.

As the dust settles, only one of the two remain.  A great battle was fought here today, one that will be remembered by countless generations to come; it is a tale of courage overcoming the evil that dwells in this world.  Without this crucial battle who knows how many would have lost their lives, or worse...their dignity. 

of new windows to the world.

It has been a while since I got new glasses and this trip to look (har, har, har) for new glasses was unlike the past couple times.  I wanted to try something new with frames, and so I decided to get these...

 

I really want your opinion on the frames as I am a little unsure still.  They are much bigger than I am used to and I feel a bit strange in them.  They are much "trendier" than my norm and want to make sure that I am not making a fool of myself ;)

In other news, my cold is pretty much gone!  I was able to return to my normal workout routine at the gym today which was great!  I'm sure my body will ache tomorrow, but it will be worth it.  Yep, so that's pretty much it for today, ta-ta dearies...

of a missing voice and the delusions that accompany it.

Since this end of last week I have been diseased.  A plague on my house, a curse of the damned, a vile bastard of an illness. 

Ok, so I am being a little dramatic, but I HATE being sick!  Really the only symptom I have is my voice which went from bad, to gone, to phone sex operator, to 3 carton-a-day smoker.  I can yell at Moose ( probably bc I have to do it so often) and am able to speak to people, I just get that weird look and then..."are you sick?" Uh, no, I traded my voice with Macy Gray...morons.  Sorry, when I am not feeling well I get more sarcastic and moody.  Ask Chris.  The most annoying thing is that I have been unable to go to the gym.  I don't think it would be great to lift weights while exhaling like a cross between Marge Simpson and Danny DiVito.  Bottom line is this thing needs to go.  I am on antibiotics and hope that soon it will exit, stage right. 

In unrelated, and totally random news, I got new underwear~!  I need to do a new count as I am fairly certain I have breached the 150 mark. 

Another random bit of advise, watch the show on the history channel, "Swamp People" you will not be disappointed!  It is about alligator hunters in Louisiana....hunting alligators.  I know it sounds lame, but it is actually really funny and interesting all at the same time.   

Ok, I need to go take some more medicine. I will leave you with this picture, it made me laugh a lot...or at least made me exhale air without sound.....if this medicine doesn't work I am drinking bleach.

of weight loss and the stigma of others.

Weight loss is not an easy thing to accomplish.  Although I am very happy with the results of my work, it does take work.  Going to the gym 3-4 days a week, eating healthy, and staying active are just some of the things I have to do to try to maintain the weight I have already lost.  One thing that really bugs me is when I am out at a restaurant with friends and they always have to comment about my healthiness.  For instance, today a couple of us went to IHOP for breakfast and I ordered blueberry pancakes.  The picture in the menu showed the pancakes with a huge glob of whipped cream on them and so I kindly asked for the whipped cream to be left off...I mean seriously...who puts whipped cream on pancakes?  Of course the table had to comment on me being strange and too healthy.  The food comes to the table, and surprise, the waitress forgot to tell them no whipped cream.  I was starving and didn't want to wait for new ones to come so I asked for another plate to scrape the crap off with.  The look on the waitress was one of shock...if I was an evil person, I could have said something about the way she looked and about how she could do with less whipped cream, but I was kept my opinion to myself and spooned the cream ( which covered the entire pancake) off and onto the plate.  Personally, I love whipped cream, but there is a time and a place...for me, breakfast is not the time.  I am not saying people that like whipped cream are bad or that their food decisions should change because mine have, I am just annoyed when people judge me for choosing a healthier option. 

I am stepping off of my soap-box now, thank you for your time and consideration.