Clearly a winner!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
of Condragulations!
So, in case you missed it...and shame on you if you did...the winner of season 3 of Ru Paul's Drag Race is...............Raja!!!! I wanted her to win, she was definitely the best drag queen on there!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
of an unwelcomed intruder.
The title basically says it all...I was sitting on the couch the other day, minding my own business, watching 'Rue Paul's Drag Race' on tv and I notice that Scooter is standing in front of the half bathroom downstairs just watching. I figure that there is a leaf blowing outside and that he is just listening to its every move...for those of you that know Scooter, his exceptional hearing, followed by barking shouldn't be groundbreaking news...anyhow, I shrug it off and continue to watch the drag queens. For those of you that have not seen this show (it's on VH1) it is absolutely hilarious!! Essentially, it is a competition-type show, like 'American Idol,' or 'Dancing with the Stars,' except, well, there are drag queens! They have mini challenges, and then compete in full drag and at the end of each episode someone has to, "sashay away." Honestly, check it out, you will be rolling with laughter.
I digress, I have been ignoring Scooter for about 15 minutes now and am beginning to think something else it up. I leave the queens and go to investigate. I start my search and...nothing. "Stupid dog" I return to the "ladies" however, Scooter is still there. He isn't all up in my grill or insisting that he should sit in my lap, I should be happy, but that fact that he is just sitting there looking dumb is bugging me. So, the queens get paused again and I go show Scooter there is nothing there. I open the cabinet and show him the toilet paper that is there, get on my hands and knees and crawl behind the toilet...........and then....
Screamed as if I was one of those drag queens and Rue Paul just popped one of my fake tits!
Sitting behind the toilet was a baby mouse! One would think, that I see these things every day, I work at a pet store for Elton John's sake! It may have been that I was caught off guard or that I never would think to see that in my house, maybe it was the fact that I had just spent the past hour watching drag queens style wigs and have cat fights...but that mouse truly scared me.
Of course, by now, I am freaking a little. How is there a mouse in here? What the hell am I supposed to do? Well, I think the mouse...lets call him Franklin for the sake of this conversation...sensed my moment of confusion and decided this was his chance.
Franklin bolted past me.
*Insert another queen scream*
I rush to grab Scooter and Moose, because I don't know what this thing has and if they were to eat it or something they could get f-ed up!
By now, the dogs are contained and Franklin is lurking in the kitchen somewhere. I can feel his presence...watching me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something move...he is beside the bar, lurking in the shadows. I slowly reach over to the counter and grab a bowl, and take up position beside the bar.
I am stalking my prey.
A few moments pass, and I am sure Franklin thinks he is safe, oh, he couldn't be more wrong. A small furry nose and whiskers emerge from the shadows, swaying from side-to-side, almost victoriously announcing his victory. His mouse body creeps from the safety of the darkness and as his head turns up to look, I could almost see the fear in his eyes as a giant bowl slams down on all sides around him.
Checkmate.
There is nothing he can do now, the bowl is replaced by a tupperware with a lid, his new prison. From this cold and sterile environment he can only look in horror and think of his fate and what will become of it. As the prison moves, his tiny heart beats with a new-found fear. Two dogs bark and taunt from cages themselves...if large animals like that were kept in cages, what will become of him? To the other side of the prison another shock awaited him...a drag queen half in drag with full eye makeup and a long wig, but in need a shave is frozen in time giving the "uh uh girl!" finger and sassy stance. What is this place he thinks?! Then darkness...Finally, the dungeon of terrors slowly becomes more natural...trees, plants, grass. This is the outside! A rush of fresh air blows through his fur as the lid opens. Something type of language is said and then utter weightlessness.
Am I dreaming he thinks? Those trees and bushes are now flying past me like I am flying. The breeze feels nice and carries with it the smell of home. I can finally relax he thinks, I am safe.
It is often said that reality is a dish best served cold; well that is exactly how that ground would have felt as Franklin hit it after being thrown over the fence in the backyard. I see two possible outcomes from this. The first is the most obvious option, in which, he is eaten by an opossum. The second is a little less likely, however still plausible; he learns to outsmart his stalkers, watches every move that is made from his secret underground lair, and then one day, when he feels he has learned all that he can, will attempt to enter that place of horror again and put all that he has learned to the test...
Until that day Franklin...until that day...
I digress, I have been ignoring Scooter for about 15 minutes now and am beginning to think something else it up. I leave the queens and go to investigate. I start my search and...nothing. "Stupid dog" I return to the "ladies" however, Scooter is still there. He isn't all up in my grill or insisting that he should sit in my lap, I should be happy, but that fact that he is just sitting there looking dumb is bugging me. So, the queens get paused again and I go show Scooter there is nothing there. I open the cabinet and show him the toilet paper that is there, get on my hands and knees and crawl behind the toilet...........and then....
Screamed as if I was one of those drag queens and Rue Paul just popped one of my fake tits!
Sitting behind the toilet was a baby mouse! One would think, that I see these things every day, I work at a pet store for Elton John's sake! It may have been that I was caught off guard or that I never would think to see that in my house, maybe it was the fact that I had just spent the past hour watching drag queens style wigs and have cat fights...but that mouse truly scared me.
Of course, by now, I am freaking a little. How is there a mouse in here? What the hell am I supposed to do? Well, I think the mouse...lets call him Franklin for the sake of this conversation...sensed my moment of confusion and decided this was his chance.
Franklin bolted past me.
*Insert another queen scream*
I rush to grab Scooter and Moose, because I don't know what this thing has and if they were to eat it or something they could get f-ed up!
By now, the dogs are contained and Franklin is lurking in the kitchen somewhere. I can feel his presence...watching me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something move...he is beside the bar, lurking in the shadows. I slowly reach over to the counter and grab a bowl, and take up position beside the bar.
I am stalking my prey.
A few moments pass, and I am sure Franklin thinks he is safe, oh, he couldn't be more wrong. A small furry nose and whiskers emerge from the shadows, swaying from side-to-side, almost victoriously announcing his victory. His mouse body creeps from the safety of the darkness and as his head turns up to look, I could almost see the fear in his eyes as a giant bowl slams down on all sides around him.
Checkmate.
There is nothing he can do now, the bowl is replaced by a tupperware with a lid, his new prison. From this cold and sterile environment he can only look in horror and think of his fate and what will become of it. As the prison moves, his tiny heart beats with a new-found fear. Two dogs bark and taunt from cages themselves...if large animals like that were kept in cages, what will become of him? To the other side of the prison another shock awaited him...a drag queen half in drag with full eye makeup and a long wig, but in need a shave is frozen in time giving the "uh uh girl!" finger and sassy stance. What is this place he thinks?! Then darkness...Finally, the dungeon of terrors slowly becomes more natural...trees, plants, grass. This is the outside! A rush of fresh air blows through his fur as the lid opens. Something type of language is said and then utter weightlessness.
Am I dreaming he thinks? Those trees and bushes are now flying past me like I am flying. The breeze feels nice and carries with it the smell of home. I can finally relax he thinks, I am safe.
It is often said that reality is a dish best served cold; well that is exactly how that ground would have felt as Franklin hit it after being thrown over the fence in the backyard. I see two possible outcomes from this. The first is the most obvious option, in which, he is eaten by an opossum. The second is a little less likely, however still plausible; he learns to outsmart his stalkers, watches every move that is made from his secret underground lair, and then one day, when he feels he has learned all that he can, will attempt to enter that place of horror again and put all that he has learned to the test...
Until that day Franklin...until that day...
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