So, I won’t pretend it hasn’t been like 3 million years since my last post...bc it has, but who’s counting? Stop counting. Anyhow! The big news is…….we are moving!! The Chris’ are moving from one coast to the other...Seattle here we come!! I know what you are thinking, really like the west coast needs more gays, well consider us another drop in the bucket. This whole process has been moving so quickly that we have hardly had time to think. We have been going through all of the nooks, crannies, and nether regions of our house looking to see what we can get rid of. So far we have taken at least three truck loads of random things to Goodwill.
While we are on the topic of Goodwill, I have to say that they have gotten quite picky in what they accept. We took a couple older TV’s that were the older CRT style and they were all like yeah, no we don’t accept those anymore. They only take flat screen...well hell! Sorry I am not giving you something that you can charge people to buy to make profit. It is not like they are obsolete! They still work just fine with that receiver from the cable company; not to mention if you plug in a dvd player to them they also function perfectly. In fact when we were waiting to drop stuff off the lady behind us overheard and as we were fuming and moving the TV’s back into our car she asked us if she could buy them from us. Of course we just wanted to be rid of them so we gladly loaded them into her car for her and thanked her for taking them off our hands. I gave the guy from Goodwill a lovely “if you took that TV it could have paid for your salary for a couple hours” look - with a sassy grin of course...I stopped myself from doing a z-snap.
Phew, anyhow so things back at the house are moving along well, we have a plan to clean this thing or move that thing to that place in a couple days when a bomb is dropped right on top of us.
Our realtor calls us and the conversation pretty much goes like this:
Monday ~4pm
::Phone rings::
Us: Hey girl, hey! (just kidding, but since we are The Gay it fits right?)
Realtor: So you know how we talked about having the photographer come by around Friday to take pictures of your house to post?
Us: ….Yes...
Realtor: What do you guys think about having him come by tomorrow at 9am?
Us: ……………………………………………...
Realtor: ………………………………………...
Us: Like in tomorrow morning?
Realtor: YEAH!
Us: .....so like, you want us to clean the house and move pretty much everything to make it looks like the house is sparkly?
Realtor: YEAH, YEAH! ::sinister laugh::
Us: We would LOVE to do that!!!!!!!
Realtor: K, thx, bye.
After we regained consciousness and picked ourselves up off the floor we finished our work day, came home, looked around at all that had to be done, reached for a bottle of alcohol, thought that might not be the best plan, changed into old clothes, tied bandanas around our heads, and got to work.
When we spoke to the realtor days before this she talked to us about the best way to stage your house for sale. It should basically look like no one lives there...you know...bc that is how people live...with absolutely nothing on the counters and no personality at all.
So we began.
All of the magnets off the fridge - you don’t want it to look like you have fun or go to cool places right?
Those dogs? Nope. No one likes dogs, make it look like they do not exist here bc people that are moving into a house that has a large backyard that is fenced in will not want to bring their dog with them. Put them in the garage, and remove their food, water bowl, toys, crates, and pretty much any other trace of canine DNA throughout the house...you should be lucky I let you keep a picture of them on the wall.
Your kitchen, it should be a blank slate...nothing organizing your mail...WHO GETS MAIL ANYWAYS?! The new owners won’t get mail, idiot! The counters should be empty! DID YOU REALLY LEAVE A BOTTLE OF DAWN DISH SOAP OUT?!?1 How could you?! The new owner won’t wash dishes!!
And so on throughout the house. We were so manic at one point we were shoving things in any place we could find. I had to put the Pottery Barn ceramic jar I keep sugar in for my coffee in the fridge bc the new owners likely won’t eat or drink anything. In fact, the dish towel, paper towels, and anything else that was within arms reach got to chill out for the day in the fridge.
Liquor, you mean that stuff that people get addicted to and then have to go to rehab? Yeah, you can’t have that out. Box it up, make it look like you aren’t fun.
Remember what you did to the kitchen counters? Do the same for like every other surface, bc really, do you think people leave stuff out? No, people don’t have things, or they keep everything put away in drawers all tidy like. Duh.
Bathrooms should be for showering and toilet business. Nothing on the counters either. Toothbrushes? No one uses those, put them away.
So many other things that made us clean until our fingers ached up until 11:30 pm. Stressed, tired, and defeated we lay down in our bed and contemplate every decision made in the last 6 hours.
The next day we get to fight nature. We keep our house cold. It is hot as satan's taint outside. They were coming to take pictures at 9 am. Cold inside and 358821 armpits outside means that lots of condensation forms on the outside of every window in the house. Not good for pictures to sell your house. The solution?! Wake up, turn off the air conditioning in the house, open all windows to let all the frosty amazing air outside and let in the feeling of being seated between two Frenchmen wearing tank tops on a plane with no air conditioning. The dogs are in the garage with two fans on them as they were deemed not worthy. One more lap around the house to make sure nothing else is out of place...aaaaaaaaand action!
The rest goes off without a hitch, the realtor complements how much we did around the house...which enables her to live another day...and I get to drive home on my lunch break and bring the dogs inside and turn the air conditioning back on. I also stopped at Chick-fil-A on my way back to work to replace my sorrow with a large amount of grease comfort.
So now comes the fun part, the house will be listed and shown all weekend. We get to go look at houses to rent in Seattle. Meet with the movers and decide what we can/cannot move. Deal with our last days at work. Plan our 4 DAY DRIVE TO THE OTHER COAST OF THE UNITED STATES. Move in and try to find a job for me. So really, we don’t have all that much to do. Basically home stretch. I see the light at the end of the tunnel……………………
I know this is a very rambling post and I really do seem quite salty about everything but I couldn’t be more excited! I am truly looking forward to this move and I can’t wait to get there and really start to explore the city and it’s surroundings!! More to come, and yes yes, I will try to blog more. Sheesh, nosy.
