Fancy-Schmancey

So this Friday, Chris and I are going to have a "sudo-week early Thanksgiving dinner" with a few people from Chris' work.  One of the guys is Mike, the owner of the company and I have been to eat with them before but it was a much larger group than just 6 people.  I am not really nervous, but I wasn't excited about anything in my closet, aside from my underwear but I think I would get odd looks if I only wore those.  So, on Saturday we were at the movies, we saw Due Date btw, it was really funny, I would definitely recommend!  Anyhow, after the movie we went on a mission to find a dress shirt that I can actually stand being in, without feeling like poo...we went to the usuals, Gap, Banana, etc. but nothing really jumped out at me.  I remembered seeing a mannequin that was dressed nice in the window of express and so I figured why not try someplace new!  I went in and tried on a couple and instantly fell in love!!

The lighting is not very good, I am sure there is more than 15% light behind me or something like that....but the shirt is a very dark blue with light striping, I also got a skinny tie...you know, because I am getting skinnier :) and I love the look!  I have to say that I feel very powerful in this gettup!  The shirt is very well fitted and makes me feel very slim~!  I was telling Chris that since I now have a dress shirt that I don't mind, now we can go to fancy places, like the yacht club, or to Sunday brunch with the president...he has been bugging us about it for quite some time now.

I know that I really shouldn't have splurged on these two items, however, I feel I have earned it!  I have only been getting Starbucks like twice a week, and have been doing quite well with money wrangling.  I deserve a nice treat now and then, and if Mr. Ramsey gives me a dirty look, I will distract him with this...

Underoos!

Most of you that read my blog know that I have a serious addiction...underwear.  Well, I have done a recent count and the new number is 148 pairs.  When I tell people this, they start to freak out and say that they do not have anywhere near that amount, blah blah blah, I CAN justify the fact that I have so many! 

First of all, I have to say that I am not monogamous in my choosing of underclothes, I go all ways.  Boxers, briefs, boxer briefs, ahem...etc. Now, lets get on with it shall we?   

Seasonals 

I do have seasonal pairs of underpants that are really only worn on their particular holiday so most of the year they stay on the bottom drawer, unless I feel like I want to wear them :)  Some of the holiday pairs are:

• Christmas
• Halloween
• Valentines Day
• Fathers Day
• St. Patricks Day
• The Forth of July

Vacation / Back to Work

I have a special pair that I call my vacation underwear that have vacation like scenes on them that I will always wear either the day before or the first day of the start of a vacation...seriously, ask Chris!  Then, I also have my pair of back to work undies which have men with briefcases and ties going to work.  I have to say that I do not like to see that pair because of their meaning.

Gym

Of course you all know that I frequent the gym, most of the time four days a week, and I will always shower and change when I get home.  So, because some of my pairs of underwear are pricey I will get cheaper pairs to wear to the gym.  Recently my favorite brands for the gym have been Old Navy's bc they make my booty look nice in my workout shorts ;)

Saucy pairs

I will not go into detail with this section, however I did want to mention them since I am justifying my 148 pairs and I want to be thorough.  I have a good number of saucy underoos which I will wear if I am feeling blue or for...certain occasions.  Ahem.

Lazy days

Of course there are those days when you do not feel like doing anything and you are planning on laying around the house all day long.  These pairs tend to be plain, boring, and uneventful.   

Work

Now stick with me on this one because I may loose you.  You all know that I work retail, and if you have never worked retail then bless you and I hope you never do because you view people and their idiotic attitudes in a whole new way, however that is another blog altogether.  What I am getting to, is the fact that it is a stressful and annoying place to be, that is where the underwear comes in.  Ok, picture this, you just dealt with some ***** and you are walking it off when you realize that you have to use the restroom (stick with me) you go in, undo your pants and find cute little pigs, or rocket ships on your underwear and that just brings a smile to your face!  Trust me, it really works!!  I have talked a friend of mine into trying this, getting some really cute themed undies and seeing if they improved her mood and it worked!  Dont you think that if you wore the same old style of white briefs for weeks that you would just think of them as underclothes and not as.....medication?!?!  Seriously!!  People take anti-depressants all the time to improve their mood, maybe they should try underwear first, now I am not a doctor or psychiatrist, but I do know that it really does make you feel better.  I may be a fancy pair that cost you more that a 8 pack you pick up at wal mart for $5, but that means better quality, better fit, more confidence, the list goes on!!!  Try it, and tell me if it works for you, if it doesn't, then at least I helped expand your collection. 

Well, that just about explains a good portion of my collection, I am sure that I am missing something, I know that I cannot explain every pair that I have acquired, and I will be the first to say that I do purchase on impulse or because they are super-cute, but does that make me a bad person?  Think of it this way: there are people that collect stamps, salt and pepper shakers( I have proof!), lamps, cars, pretty much everything!  So why is it that I am looked upon as being crazy, when at least my collection can be put to use?! 

As more validation  I am going to post some links to some pairs that I was looking at the other day that I may purchase soon, try to tell me these are not awesome?!

2(x)ist Sport Brief

Aussiebum Day Brief

 Cumfy looking Pistol Pete Trunks

Saucy Good Devil Briefs 

Super cute Diesel patient briefs 

Way comfy Sport tech trunks 

One of my favorite brands, Ginch Gonch! 

Another fav, Aussiebum 

Anyhow, I hope that now when you hear me talk about my underpants collection that you will think of this and not think that I am so weird.  Hopefully I have changed some peoples opinions and maybe even inspired one or two of you to go shopping :)  

Home invasion...

This story begins as I am on my computer in the living room (both of which I do not normally do) I was just minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear the sound of insect wings on glass.  At first I just thought that a fly had gotten into the house and that it was just trapped between the window and the blinds.  So, I kept on computing when I heard it again, and at this point it was starting to bug (no pun intended) me, so I decided to hunt out the insect and make it extinct.  To my surprise I turned around and upon the half moon windows that are above the main windows were wasps...plural...like 5 of them.  Well as any self-respected fag would do, I grabbed my dog and went upstairs and closed the door with a pair of jeans at the bottom to make sure that nothing would get under.  As I sat there watching tv, I got to thinking about how annoyed I was for having to forced into hiding and for whatever reason I figured I would take out my 'man-card' and deal with this threat myself.

I go downstairs and assess the situation, one was flying, which made me go on guard, the others four were just running into the glass like invalids.  Out to the garage I run only to find out that I do not have wasp killer or even a flyswatter.

I grab my keys and drive to the grocery store to buy liquid doom!  Side story here about how dumb some people are, I am in line checking out with ONLY the wasp killer:

Me : Hello
Cashier : Hey
Me: Do you guys have flyswatters? I couldn't find any.
Cashier: What for?
Me: ...................................*blank stare*.............................
Me: *I point to the only item I am buying, which happens to be for flying insects*
Cashier: Oh, no.
Me: Yeah, thanks.

Anyhow, I get back home and don my armor for the grand battle...a super heavy and thick jacket, winter gloves, jeans, and a magazine from the recycling bin.  So, now picture me dressed to kill...literally...in the kitchen psyching myself up like a football player would just before the big game:
 

"You can do this!" "You are so manly!" "You make more money than those dumb wasps!" "You can bench press more than them!"

I burst into the living room feeling like a king!!!!!!

WTF?!?!

Somehow while I was gone, those 5 puny wasps turned into 18!!!!!!   

As you can imagine, I was quickly deflated and ran right back out with my tail tucked between my legs!  How the hell is this happening?!  I know I can do this though, I CAN kill these invaders!  I call my mom and Chris and tell them I love them, and rush back in, I point Excalibur (Hot Shot for wasps and hornets) at this den of buzzing minions from hell and let loose............

In your mind please picture a 12 year old girl that just got front row tickets to see Justin Beiber in New York city...got it? Now use that high pitch scream when I explain what happened next....

Excalibur shoots (like a super-soaker) and these minions take flight, pissed as hell, flying in all directions, on a mission.......to kill me.  My spidey-sense took over and I (use it here) screamed and went running for my life.  I swear, I ran like they just announced a free underwear sale at the mall!!  I dared not turn around, I just ran outside and expected to see a swarm chasing after me, like in cartoons, but nothing.  Adrenaline pumping, still in my armor, I slowly creep back inside, not letting my guard down.  As I return to the site of the battle I saw a scene out of some zombie movie, all of them were flailing around on the ground and stinging at the air.  I took this as my chance and sprung into action, with my trusty magazine I extinguish their horrid lives, pausing only to make sure there weren't any that were trying to flank me. 

The dust settles and I am left panting, sweating, and full of testosterone.  I look to my left and see that there are three more in the fireplace...all the pieces fall into place.  There is a nest in the chimney!!  I am pumped so I immediately spray the whole front of the fireplace door and then open and spray the stragglers. Yank the flue closed and spray the perimeter of the opening.  Eighteen wasps dead.  A home saved from utter chaos.  

Mission accomplished.

As I stood and looked around, all I could see was a room filled with  the bodies of my foes.  I remove my armor and bask in the glory of victory.  

My man-card gets a new whole punched in it.

  I have a ways to go before I reach Chuck Norris status, baby steps...baby steps.